Is Normal Back?

What a week! And it's only Tuesday. Kendall and Tammy came home today from MD Anderson. I couldn't wait to pick them up from the airport. It's like I haven't seen them in months, when in reality it's only been a little over a week. Kendall came home because her body is not ready to handle another treatment yet. The doctors feel like some extended rest at home for a week will allow her to rebuild her blood cells.

This past week has been more difficult for me than I thought it would be. I went back to work and did I have so much to catch up on. It was good to see everybody at work. But I do admit, my mind wasn't there for the first couple of days. I would often find myself wondering what Kendall and Tammy were doing. How was she feeling, was anything wrong, is there something I need to be doing. As the week passed and this week began, I found myself falling back into my routine, Me and Dylan were bonding. Hasso began to remember me. But I still had an empty feeling and became sad every time I talked to Kendall or Tammy. Of course I couldn't let them know how bad I felt, but now that they're at home, I guess it's ok. I'm tired of changing life styles and want normal again. Knowing that it won't be normal for a long time.

In many of my conversations with Kendall, I did begin to notice a stronger Kendall emerging from the bad month we had with the last treatment. Kendall began to want to do the treatment and was ready to go. Much like she was at the beginning of her journey. Her positive attitude helped me get through some tough nights without them. And Dylan was very "mature" with me as I noticed how much he has grown over the last few months. I hate to think that I have missed the last few months of his young childlike demeanor. He's a teenager now and I seemed to have missed the transition. We have spent a lot of time together though this week and it has been nice. He still does love me. My little boy is so grown up.

I don't know what the next few days will have in store for Kendall or us, but I will enjoy every minute that I have to spend with my family. If it's one thing I've learned, it's to really enjoy the time you spend with loved ones. The week will go by fast and I once again will be without Kendall and Tammy as they make their way back to Houston to finish Kendall's treatment.

During this past week since Kendall and Tammy has left, I find myself somewhat lost and confused. The emotions I feel have been turning over so fast and I get that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I need some guidance and direction and I feel my heart race. So...I listen.....

Job 37:1-2
At this my heart pounds
and leaps from its place.
Listen! Listen to the roar of his voice,
to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.