I gotta feeling that tomorrow we will be on a plane headed home. That's the plan anyway. Kendall has a doctors appointment in the morning to check her blood levels. If all goes as expected, we should be back that afternoon. Kendall has felt better today which is, I hope, a sign that her blood is recovering. This has been a rough month for her. In the hospital, twice, and her body taking a big hit by not recovering as easy as she has in the past. She still is very tired and there probably won't be a lot of activity this weekend but it is a much needed trip home.
There's so much more I want to say but right now I'm just going to leave it at this. We do thank all of our friends and family for keeping us in your prayers and thoughts. It's nice to feel the warmth of love pouring over us as we struggle to make the best out of all of this.
2 Tim 3:16
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,
To this date, I continue to believe in this. For this is where I need to be....
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Path Is Still Here
How things change every day. Kendall was able to leave the hospital today and was she glad. Tammy and me too. They had to put her on some IV antibiotics so I'll be hooking her up for the next 8 days. We all should rest a little easier now that we're out of there. Kendall was also able to have a little recovery of her white blood cells. They are at 0.1 now instead of zero. Not a lot but it is a start. The rest of her levels are still really low and it may delay our trip home by a few days until they can recover more. But she is still looking forward to a few days at the house before the next cycle.
While Kendall's journey to me is very close at heart, I realize that she is not the only one having to go through this. There have been people before her that have faced the same journey. And that there will be people after her that will also face a journey similar to hers. At times, this journey that I watch is almost too much to handle. I often tell myself how can people go through this and make it out ok. I have talked to people that have lived through a journey and are now living a miracle. One of these people was BJ Green. I have not personally talked to BJ but I have read his journey and have spoken to his dad about things. Remarkable. It gives me hope that they are still able to talk passionately about their experiences and share them not only with Kendall but also with me. I pray that I may be strong through this and share with you as well.
At the very beginning of Kendall's journey, I could not tell you hardly anything about Leukemia, much less AML t8;21, Kendall's diagnosis. But only 3 months in...frankly I know more than I would normally care to know about. Every day is a training day and it keeps getting worse. There are lights shining at the end of some of the tunnels, but just the knowledge of this has brought me sorrow...grief...pain. It's also brought me love...family strength...and closer to God.
Ecclesiastes 1:9
What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 1:18
For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.
While Kendall's journey to me is very close at heart, I realize that she is not the only one having to go through this. There have been people before her that have faced the same journey. And that there will be people after her that will also face a journey similar to hers. At times, this journey that I watch is almost too much to handle. I often tell myself how can people go through this and make it out ok. I have talked to people that have lived through a journey and are now living a miracle. One of these people was BJ Green. I have not personally talked to BJ but I have read his journey and have spoken to his dad about things. Remarkable. It gives me hope that they are still able to talk passionately about their experiences and share them not only with Kendall but also with me. I pray that I may be strong through this and share with you as well.
At the very beginning of Kendall's journey, I could not tell you hardly anything about Leukemia, much less AML t8;21, Kendall's diagnosis. But only 3 months in...frankly I know more than I would normally care to know about. Every day is a training day and it keeps getting worse. There are lights shining at the end of some of the tunnels, but just the knowledge of this has brought me sorrow...grief...pain. It's also brought me love...family strength...and closer to God.
Ecclesiastes 1:9
What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 1:18
For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
HE Continues To Amaze Me
Day by day, hour by hour, we can see the improvements that Kendall's body is making. She had an amazing day today as she slowly recovers from her infection. I can tell you, that these last few days have been a continued struggle to watch Kendall. One by one, I watched as the doctors and nurses attacked each symptom Kendall had. It was a coordinated effort to bring back the smile and laughter that Kendall displays. Having Tammy here has surely helped make this happen.
Kendall still has the infection but is healing up nicely. She is almost back to her normal self. We're still not sure how long she is going to have to stay in the hospital. The doctor said that she is going to slowly reduce the medication to Kendall as she recovers. Once she is at a safe level, she will get to leave. Kendall received another blood transfusion and platelets today as her counts are not recovering as fast as they have in the previous treatments. Kendall has not had a fever all day today which was very good news considering how high it was the last few days.
I've had a chance this afternoon to reflect back over the last couple of days and realize how scared I was going through this. So scared to the point where I didn't sleep for several days wondering what was going to happen next. I was becoming angry at the very people that were trying to help us because I didn't think it was enough. I didn't feel like they were doing everything possible to help Kendall. But they are. They have taken good care of her and continue to do so. God continues to show me how good HE can be. He shows me through the care of the doctors and nurses. He shows me through the love and support of family and friends. And He shows me through the smile and laughter that Kendall brings.
Psalm 68:9
You gave abundant showers, O God;
you refreshed your weary inheritance.
Kendall still has the infection but is healing up nicely. She is almost back to her normal self. We're still not sure how long she is going to have to stay in the hospital. The doctor said that she is going to slowly reduce the medication to Kendall as she recovers. Once she is at a safe level, she will get to leave. Kendall received another blood transfusion and platelets today as her counts are not recovering as fast as they have in the previous treatments. Kendall has not had a fever all day today which was very good news considering how high it was the last few days.
I've had a chance this afternoon to reflect back over the last couple of days and realize how scared I was going through this. So scared to the point where I didn't sleep for several days wondering what was going to happen next. I was becoming angry at the very people that were trying to help us because I didn't think it was enough. I didn't feel like they were doing everything possible to help Kendall. But they are. They have taken good care of her and continue to do so. God continues to show me how good HE can be. He shows me through the care of the doctors and nurses. He shows me through the love and support of family and friends. And He shows me through the smile and laughter that Kendall brings.
Psalm 68:9
You gave abundant showers, O God;
you refreshed your weary inheritance.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Grace......
Making our way through each day has become filled with so much emotion, there is not any more room to do anything else. Sitting here not knowing what is causing Kendall's fever and why it remains high has become the new mystery novel of the day. Kendall is still in the hospital with a high fever. The pain is very evident in her face that things are not as they should be. We were able to find out that the blood cultures are positive for an infection. Not sure what type yet. We think we've narrowed it down to last week when her platelets dropped so low that we had to go to the emergency room. She has become consistently worse since we arrived to the apartment after that trip.
Kendall has slept almost the entire time we have been here. She hasn't eaten or drank anything very much. Kendall has times when she is up for a little while but is still really tired. Tammy flew out last night to be with us. I know she was glad to see Kendall, just not in this shape. Tammy stayed with Kendall overnight at the hospital and they told me to go back to the apartment to rest. I didn't get much rest. Actually I think I rested better at the hospital. At least I could keep an eye on Kendall.
Kendall is on antibiotics and other kinds of medication. The doctors are keeping a close watch on her. For now, that's all we can do is be patient with the doctors. I have tried to be good with them but you know I don't have any patience when it comes to Kendall's care. This is really the first time Kendall has become really sick. She has had a few bad days but nothing like this. For now, we will wait on the medicine to take effect and hope that Kendall's body adjusts.
Luke 2:40
And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him.
Kendall has slept almost the entire time we have been here. She hasn't eaten or drank anything very much. Kendall has times when she is up for a little while but is still really tired. Tammy flew out last night to be with us. I know she was glad to see Kendall, just not in this shape. Tammy stayed with Kendall overnight at the hospital and they told me to go back to the apartment to rest. I didn't get much rest. Actually I think I rested better at the hospital. At least I could keep an eye on Kendall.
Kendall is on antibiotics and other kinds of medication. The doctors are keeping a close watch on her. For now, that's all we can do is be patient with the doctors. I have tried to be good with them but you know I don't have any patience when it comes to Kendall's care. This is really the first time Kendall has become really sick. She has had a few bad days but nothing like this. For now, we will wait on the medicine to take effect and hope that Kendall's body adjusts.
Luke 2:40
And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Roller Coaster Returns
Ok..Ok..Ok..back on that dreaded roller coaster ride we go. Any more than one day at a time would really be more than anyone could handle. As quick as Kendall climbed up from the last hospital trip, the faster she landed back in the emergency room. Wednesday night, Kendall's fever went to 102.2 degrees F. She started feeling bad after she had her lumbar puncture. Kendall's eyes told me the rest of the story. They were watery and red, her face was real flush and her skin was hot to the touch. Around 10:30pm, I took her to the emergency room. The official temperature of the ER was also 102.2. That bought her a bed. The doctor came in and the tests began. Blood work, chest x-rays and blood pressure. Kendall was so tired she layed down and slept most of the night. Her fever at one point rose to just over 103F. Thursday morning was filled with the same excitement as the night before. Kendall tried to sleep as her fever bounced around between 100 to 104 all morning. I nervously sat there watching her struggle with the fever. I know the nurses were probably glad to see me go today as I was dragging them back to Kendall's room every 15 minutes to check on her. That was all I could do is make sure they were there to help her. I know they were patient with me and would always tell me that they would take care of her.
They were able to get us into a room on the Leukemia floor. You have to wear the bootys and the gown to enter the floor. Yellow is not my color. Kendall continues with the fever as they put antibiotics and fluids in her. I imagine tonight will be as eventful as last night. Maybe the both of us can get some rest tonight.
Tomorrow, hopefully the doctor can give us some better news about Kendall. Until then, we will just be quiet and stay cool.
They were able to get us into a room on the Leukemia floor. You have to wear the bootys and the gown to enter the floor. Yellow is not my color. Kendall continues with the fever as they put antibiotics and fluids in her. I imagine tonight will be as eventful as last night. Maybe the both of us can get some rest tonight.
Tomorrow, hopefully the doctor can give us some better news about Kendall. Until then, we will just be quiet and stay cool.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Back On Course
Ecclesiastes 1:6
The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
Back on course is where we're at. The last couple of days have been really rough. I last wrote when we were in the emergency room with Kendall. We finally made it back to the apartment about 6:30am that morning. We then had to turn around and go back for another appointment and was there most of that day. Kendall is doing a lot better. I guess you really do need blood, huh. Kendall returned to normal as the blood worked itself back into her body. She has been really tired but has managed to make all the appointments that they have scheduled for her. We go back in the morning to check her blood work and will probably end up having to get blood one more time. She's also scheduled to have a lumbar puncture with chemo. She was able to sleep alot today and I feel like she has almost caught up with it. Her appetite is also getting better as she wanted me to cook tonight, so I did. Taco salad.
We met with a stem cell transplant team today. It was an Introduction to Stem Cell. Kendall thought, great...I feel like we're going to class. And, that's about what it was, several people gave a presentation on stem cell transplant. Wow, there's really a lot there to learn. As of right now, Kendall is not having stem cell transplant but the doctor's felt like we needed to understand a little about it in case Kendall were to have a relapse. It's a long process and takes several months to prepare for it. Better to be ahead in the game so we don't get caught up in a rush again like we did the first time. They gave us a lot of reading material and I'll have to say that I have been doing a little reading on it already.
These last few days have really been hard on Kendall. They've been hard on me. I know they have been hard on Tammy and the rest of the family. But know, we are very thankful to our family and friends who have been supporting us. You really do mean a lot to us and it feels good to know that you are there. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers and all that you have done for Kendall. God Bless You, God Bless All Of You.
The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
Back on course is where we're at. The last couple of days have been really rough. I last wrote when we were in the emergency room with Kendall. We finally made it back to the apartment about 6:30am that morning. We then had to turn around and go back for another appointment and was there most of that day. Kendall is doing a lot better. I guess you really do need blood, huh. Kendall returned to normal as the blood worked itself back into her body. She has been really tired but has managed to make all the appointments that they have scheduled for her. We go back in the morning to check her blood work and will probably end up having to get blood one more time. She's also scheduled to have a lumbar puncture with chemo. She was able to sleep alot today and I feel like she has almost caught up with it. Her appetite is also getting better as she wanted me to cook tonight, so I did. Taco salad.
We met with a stem cell transplant team today. It was an Introduction to Stem Cell. Kendall thought, great...I feel like we're going to class. And, that's about what it was, several people gave a presentation on stem cell transplant. Wow, there's really a lot there to learn. As of right now, Kendall is not having stem cell transplant but the doctor's felt like we needed to understand a little about it in case Kendall were to have a relapse. It's a long process and takes several months to prepare for it. Better to be ahead in the game so we don't get caught up in a rush again like we did the first time. They gave us a lot of reading material and I'll have to say that I have been doing a little reading on it already.
These last few days have really been hard on Kendall. They've been hard on me. I know they have been hard on Tammy and the rest of the family. But know, we are very thankful to our family and friends who have been supporting us. You really do mean a lot to us and it feels good to know that you are there. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers and all that you have done for Kendall. God Bless You, God Bless All Of You.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Happy Birthday Tammy
The atmosphere here in the emergency room is not the same at the apartment. Yes, the emergency room. Kendall had some problems today with bleeding. She also started showing some blood spots on her arms and face. I made a call to the doctor and she said that Kendall's platelet counts were probably really low and that she possibly needed some blood and platelets. She advised us to go to the emergency room at MD Anderson to get treated. So that's what we did. And...the doctor was right. Kendall's platelet count was very low. The lowest they have ever been. I wasn't expecting them to drop again until sometime this next week, especially since Kendall just received blood and platelets on Friday. The nurse at the emergency room hooked Kendall up to an iv and told her that she will be getting 6 units of platelets and 2 units of blood. They didn't admit her in the hospital but they did tell us that it will be early in the morning before she is through receiving all the blood. Kendall curled up on the bed as I tried to get comfortable in the chair. Going to be a long night...or morning. Other than all of this, Kendall is doing fine. She has been tired most of the day.
On a brighter note...I want to tell Tammy Happy Birthday! I know I'm not with you but I miss you and wish you were with us. I Love You, Tammy....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
On a brighter note...I want to tell Tammy Happy Birthday! I know I'm not with you but I miss you and wish you were with us. I Love You, Tammy....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Something Committed
The low numbers are in. Kendall's doctor appointment Friday went as planned that morning. Blood work went smooth and the results came back as expected, LOW. Everything really low. Her white blood cells dropped to 0.1, lower than we thought they would go for day 8 after treatment. The lab actually thought the first tests were wrong so they ran them again. Same number. So Kendall had to get some blood and platelets so she could have a little energy this weekend. Friday night at the hospital. What else would you expect. Not like we had so many other things to do.
Kendall is still sleeping alot. This round has made her really tired. I'm pouring on the pampering, but it's not doing much for her mood. I was able to get her to go out for a little bit today while I ran some errands. I think she was glad as well to get out. Somewhere other than the hospital. After that we settled in, ordered a pizza and watched football.
I know I feel like night after night I talk about the same things as far as how I'm feeling. I've talked about the pain that I see in Kendall but how strong she is to be handling this the way she has. I also talk about how much Faith and Trust in God are important, not only in times like this but also in everyday life. Even in my job as a policeman, there are things that happen that no matter how much you train, it's hard to do. But they have to be done. Looking into your childs face.....tears rolling down their cheeks.....fear in their eyes...and pain..pain all around wondering why she has been chosen to go through this. How do I do it. I'm a physically strong person and can take a lot. But I can not prepare myself for the emotional strain that I feel right now from watching my child feel this way. How do I answer her and how do I know it's the right answer. Fighting off my own tears, I grab her and place my arms around her. I tell her that she has made the first half of her journey. I tell her that we are going to get to go home again for a few days. I then tell her that I love her, her family loves her and her friends love her. I can only tell her things that I know will make her feel better. I tell her to trust..to believe..
Exodus 4:4
Then the LORD said to him, "Reach out your hand and take it by the tail." So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand.
...trust can hurt, trust can heal, trust can be given, trust can be earned..no matter what part of trust I am at, it is a part of me. I do place my trust in Him, no matter how bad the pain gets...I trust that the healing comes..I trust that the love will remain..I trust that the laughter will stay.
Kendall is still sleeping alot. This round has made her really tired. I'm pouring on the pampering, but it's not doing much for her mood. I was able to get her to go out for a little bit today while I ran some errands. I think she was glad as well to get out. Somewhere other than the hospital. After that we settled in, ordered a pizza and watched football.
I know I feel like night after night I talk about the same things as far as how I'm feeling. I've talked about the pain that I see in Kendall but how strong she is to be handling this the way she has. I also talk about how much Faith and Trust in God are important, not only in times like this but also in everyday life. Even in my job as a policeman, there are things that happen that no matter how much you train, it's hard to do. But they have to be done. Looking into your childs face.....tears rolling down their cheeks.....fear in their eyes...and pain..pain all around wondering why she has been chosen to go through this. How do I do it. I'm a physically strong person and can take a lot. But I can not prepare myself for the emotional strain that I feel right now from watching my child feel this way. How do I answer her and how do I know it's the right answer. Fighting off my own tears, I grab her and place my arms around her. I tell her that she has made the first half of her journey. I tell her that we are going to get to go home again for a few days. I then tell her that I love her, her family loves her and her friends love her. I can only tell her things that I know will make her feel better. I tell her to trust..to believe..
Exodus 4:4
Then the LORD said to him, "Reach out your hand and take it by the tail." So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand.
...trust can hurt, trust can heal, trust can be given, trust can be earned..no matter what part of trust I am at, it is a part of me. I do place my trust in Him, no matter how bad the pain gets...I trust that the healing comes..I trust that the love will remain..I trust that the laughter will stay.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Doctors Orders
Rest..relaxing...and plenty of pampering was the doctors prescription today for Kendall. Kendall followed it word for word today. The pampering part was something I threw on the prescription just for good measure. Kendall did well today. She slept for the most part of the day but her smile had its motor running today. Well...only when Chase called. All I can say is keep doing what your doing Chase, it seems to be working. Kendall would be laying on the couch today, very quite as we watched tv and then I could hear her giggle or see the shine from her smile. I would ask her if it was Chase and she would just grin. She ate a little better tonight, probably because I opened up Chef Sutton's kitchen. She couldn't resist the cooking. No fevers today and so far the prescription has held up.
I called Tammy last night only to find out about the party they were having without us. Whitney, Chad and Karsyn; Brett and Bragan; Dylan; Chase and Emily all had dinner last night. They were all laughing and cutting up when I called. I hated to drag Tammy away from all of that with my phone call. But I am glad that they are looking after Tammy, I know she is having a hard time not being here with us. I feel like the more time that passes the harder it gets for her. I will find that out next month as I stay home and Tammy comes out here. I probably won't be very happy either from missing them. The most important thing right now is keeping the family strong and together.
I've discovered that there is so much to life and that people are important. I know sometimes I feel like I need to be alone to just work through it but it sure feels good to come out from that with the love, care and support from friends and family. And the confidence knowing that God has His arms wrapped around me so tight that it takes my breath away sometimes. I've always heard that maybe tomorrow will be better. Sometimes they are. But what if I don't have a tomorrow. I want that person to know today that I love them today..I want God to know that I love Him today...I'm going to work with what I have today and make the most of it. Each day I find myself asking God if I am pleasing Him today.
I challenge myself to be a loving husband...a caring father...a good son...a giving neighbor and a faithful servant to Him. Kendall's life has forever changed and the challenges she now faces throughout her life will test her strength and her love. I know she will face each of them with courage and attitude. As she fights through her journey, the good and the bad, I pray that she always keeps HIM close.
I called Tammy last night only to find out about the party they were having without us. Whitney, Chad and Karsyn; Brett and Bragan; Dylan; Chase and Emily all had dinner last night. They were all laughing and cutting up when I called. I hated to drag Tammy away from all of that with my phone call. But I am glad that they are looking after Tammy, I know she is having a hard time not being here with us. I feel like the more time that passes the harder it gets for her. I will find that out next month as I stay home and Tammy comes out here. I probably won't be very happy either from missing them. The most important thing right now is keeping the family strong and together.
I've discovered that there is so much to life and that people are important. I know sometimes I feel like I need to be alone to just work through it but it sure feels good to come out from that with the love, care and support from friends and family. And the confidence knowing that God has His arms wrapped around me so tight that it takes my breath away sometimes. I've always heard that maybe tomorrow will be better. Sometimes they are. But what if I don't have a tomorrow. I want that person to know today that I love them today..I want God to know that I love Him today...I'm going to work with what I have today and make the most of it. Each day I find myself asking God if I am pleasing Him today.
I challenge myself to be a loving husband...a caring father...a good son...a giving neighbor and a faithful servant to Him. Kendall's life has forever changed and the challenges she now faces throughout her life will test her strength and her love. I know she will face each of them with courage and attitude. As she fights through her journey, the good and the bad, I pray that she always keeps HIM close.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Let's Make It Manageable
Having a child become sick is hard for any parent. How much time and attention we take to make sure everything is alright for them and that they have everything they need. We make them comfortable to try and help ease the pain that they are having to endure. Today was one of those days. Kendall didn't feel well today. She has not felt well all day. It started early this morning at the doctors office. I really saw it this morning when she woke up. As beautiful as her eyes are...they were sad today. She could tell a story with those eyes. I tried to do what I could to help her but there really wasn't anything more I could do than to be there for her if she needed me. Even the doctors and nurses were commenting to me about how they hoped that Kendall would start feeling better. Kendall is usually the life of the party around the hospital. They always talk about how much she smiles. Her smile was worn down today as the chemotherapy has taken its toll on her. Her blood levels were really low, low enough that she started wearing the mask again. They dropped really low, really fast this time. And she has been feeling the effects the last few days.
Tomorrow, Kendall has an off day. No appointments, nothing to do and no where to go. I rented some movies so we could watch them as I feel that she won't be far from the couch. I figured that she would be in the bed most of the day, but no...she was in the living room talking to me when she could. A day of rest tomorrow will hopefully help her feel better. She still is not eating very much but is making an effort to eat a little.
The doctor said that if her levels are doing ok that it would be ok for us to make another trip home possibly on the 29th. That would be a good day because it's mine and Tammy's anniversary. It will be good to see Tammy then since I'm going to miss her birthday this month. I'm excited about the neighborhood Halloween party. It sounds like it is shaping up to be quite a gathering.
I know Kendall has had a lot of good days during her journey and we knew that there would possibly be some days that were going to be hard. Taking them one day at a time hopefully will make them be a little more manageable. Even on the hard days I know that God is watching over her and will make sure that she has the strength to get through the day. While Kendall may change from day to day, I realize that the one thing that will remain with us on everyday...that will treat us the same each day...that will always be here for us....is God.
Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
....Amen
Tomorrow, Kendall has an off day. No appointments, nothing to do and no where to go. I rented some movies so we could watch them as I feel that she won't be far from the couch. I figured that she would be in the bed most of the day, but no...she was in the living room talking to me when she could. A day of rest tomorrow will hopefully help her feel better. She still is not eating very much but is making an effort to eat a little.
The doctor said that if her levels are doing ok that it would be ok for us to make another trip home possibly on the 29th. That would be a good day because it's mine and Tammy's anniversary. It will be good to see Tammy then since I'm going to miss her birthday this month. I'm excited about the neighborhood Halloween party. It sounds like it is shaping up to be quite a gathering.
I know Kendall has had a lot of good days during her journey and we knew that there would possibly be some days that were going to be hard. Taking them one day at a time hopefully will make them be a little more manageable. Even on the hard days I know that God is watching over her and will make sure that she has the strength to get through the day. While Kendall may change from day to day, I realize that the one thing that will remain with us on everyday...that will treat us the same each day...that will always be here for us....is God.
Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
....Amen
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Little Debbie is Our Friend
We are approaching the half way point in Kendall's journey. We finished up her chemotherapy this morning around 1am. We now, again, begin the period of blood monitoring. Hard to believe Kendall has already had three rounds of chemo. Not that I will ever know everything about Leukemia, but I often find myself reading about other people that have had Leukemia and their experiences. I compare how different everyones experience has been. I know about medical issues that I never dreamed of having to know about. I don't know what healthy levels for blood is supposed to be. I didn't know how chemotherapy worked. I can say that at least now when the doctor is talking to me, I at least can understand what they are talking about. Scary, huh? And yet, the learning still continues. We are scheduled to meet with some doctors from Stem Cell Transplant next week and start learning about that. Not that Kendall is having that. But the doctor wants us to know about what is involved with it in case we ever have to go that direction. The more we know now, the better we will be able to help the doctor take care of Kendall.
Kendall has been sleeping alot this past week with her chemo. Except at night when I'm having to change the bag or check her lines to make sure they are working. The visits to Kendall's room all through out the night for the past four days have been really hard. Because we usually had to be at the doctor the next day. Sleep deprivation. Kendall has not had any fevers this week. She hasn't been eating as much as I would like her too but she has been eating a little. I haven't been able to get her back to the gym although she did promise to go walking with me. Gotta start somewhere. It's funny, when I leave to go the gym, she always tells me to be careful and don't get hurt. That she is going to stay behind and keep the couch company. And then what's really funny is her laughing at me when I come back from the gym and the first place I go is the cabinet to get myself a Little Debbie snack cake. I tell her its protein. She rolls her eyes at me and says "Whatever".
At night, I lay in the bed wondering about how tomorrow is going to be. Is it going to be the day that Kendall gets a fever...or gets sick...or has a bad day. I play all this through my head for hours and then something reminds me to say a little prayer or read something out of the bible. After that I can finally go to sleep. One of the verses I read the other night was this....
Deuteronomy 1:29-30
Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes
Kendall has been sleeping alot this past week with her chemo. Except at night when I'm having to change the bag or check her lines to make sure they are working. The visits to Kendall's room all through out the night for the past four days have been really hard. Because we usually had to be at the doctor the next day. Sleep deprivation. Kendall has not had any fevers this week. She hasn't been eating as much as I would like her too but she has been eating a little. I haven't been able to get her back to the gym although she did promise to go walking with me. Gotta start somewhere. It's funny, when I leave to go the gym, she always tells me to be careful and don't get hurt. That she is going to stay behind and keep the couch company. And then what's really funny is her laughing at me when I come back from the gym and the first place I go is the cabinet to get myself a Little Debbie snack cake. I tell her its protein. She rolls her eyes at me and says "Whatever".
At night, I lay in the bed wondering about how tomorrow is going to be. Is it going to be the day that Kendall gets a fever...or gets sick...or has a bad day. I play all this through my head for hours and then something reminds me to say a little prayer or read something out of the bible. After that I can finally go to sleep. One of the verses I read the other night was this....
Deuteronomy 1:29-30
Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Let Me Carry It
JOB 32:8
But it is the spirit in a man,
the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding.
Understanding that Kendall's chemotherapy went well today. Understanding that we miss our family and friends. Understanding that God's breath gives us life. Not understanding why Kendall should have to bear the pain. Give it to me...I'm ready to receive.
But it is the spirit in a man,
the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding.
Understanding that Kendall's chemotherapy went well today. Understanding that we miss our family and friends. Understanding that God's breath gives us life. Not understanding why Kendall should have to bear the pain. Give it to me...I'm ready to receive.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Placing Trust Where It Belongs
Today wasn't so bad. Kendall slept late today from me checking on her through most of the night. She hasn't had much of an appetite either. We watched Auburn today...I was very disappointed by the way...and then got ready to go to the hospital. We went a little early today with the hopes that she may actually get seen on time. And she did. We didn't have to wait today very long before they called her. We did however had to wait after she got in her room. They were about an hour and a half late starting her chemo so that means I have to stay up even later tonight to make sure the chemo pump runs ok. We were only there today for about 4 hours. A lot better than yesterday. We made it back in time to watch more football. I was excited, I'm not so sure Kendall was. But we did watch the Florida / LSU game. I think she has watched about all the football she wanted to today. I think she only watched it because I wanted to. Kendall did eat a little bit more tonight and hasn't been asleep in the last 3-4 hours. She has felt ok tonight as she was a little nauseous this morning. But overall, it has been a good day for her.
I spoke to Dylan several times today and he was still really excited that Gardendale won their football game last night. That's all he talked about. I talked to Tammy today as well and she said she really misses me. I hope so. It has been hard without her here but I know Dylan is glad to have one of us home for a little while. Tammy talked to Kendall today for a while and I think she got upset a little. Don't worry baby, I'm taking care of her and we will hopefully be home in a few weeks. I can't wait and Kendall is already working out a schedule to come home. We will have to wait until the end of this treatment before we can plan anything but hope that all goes well. We have a couple of dates in mind but will see how things work out for her.
Sometimes I forget that Kendall is 19 and very capable of making her on decisions. I still want to jump in and handle everything for her. As a parent, I will always want to express my feelings about what I think is best for her. I always will. But I do want her to make decisions and I trust that the decisions she will make will be right...for her. As I have grown in my relationship with God, especially over the last couple of months...I now place importance on trying to know and understand God. I will never know or understand everything that God does but can only place my faithfulness in Him as I place it in Kendall. All I want is what is best for Kendall...for my family...for my friends...and for God.
Philippians 1:9-10
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ,
I spoke to Dylan several times today and he was still really excited that Gardendale won their football game last night. That's all he talked about. I talked to Tammy today as well and she said she really misses me. I hope so. It has been hard without her here but I know Dylan is glad to have one of us home for a little while. Tammy talked to Kendall today for a while and I think she got upset a little. Don't worry baby, I'm taking care of her and we will hopefully be home in a few weeks. I can't wait and Kendall is already working out a schedule to come home. We will have to wait until the end of this treatment before we can plan anything but hope that all goes well. We have a couple of dates in mind but will see how things work out for her.
Sometimes I forget that Kendall is 19 and very capable of making her on decisions. I still want to jump in and handle everything for her. As a parent, I will always want to express my feelings about what I think is best for her. I always will. But I do want her to make decisions and I trust that the decisions she will make will be right...for her. As I have grown in my relationship with God, especially over the last couple of months...I now place importance on trying to know and understand God. I will never know or understand everything that God does but can only place my faithfulness in Him as I place it in Kendall. All I want is what is best for Kendall...for my family...for my friends...and for God.
Philippians 1:9-10
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ,
Friday, October 9, 2009
Patience, again........
A new record was set today as an out patient for the hospital. Kendall and I arrived at 8am for lab work and to start chemotherapy at 10am. Well...it got started a little late. We got back to the apartment tonight at about 10pm. 14 hours long. That kind of put a whole new meaning to the word patience. What seems to happen on Fridays is that everyone apparently shows up early, whether or not they have an appointment, to get through for the weekend. There were people there at 8am that were telling me that their appointment was not until 3:30, 4:30 or even Saturday, but they wanted to get it over with. So....we waited...for a long time...and some other things happened but...now we are through...until tomorrow. Have to do it all over again. Hopefully it will not be as long tomorrow. I'm just glad we don't have to go while Auburn is playing...
Kendall didn't sleep well last night. She said she couldn't get comfortable. She slept a little while we were at the hospital but I'm sure it wasn't very restful to her. Even though she has been sleeping a lot during the day, she still looks tired. I was able to get her down to the exercise room for a walk on the treadmill yesterday. The doctor said it would be good to get her strength built back up. We'll do it a little at a time until she is able to actually do some jogging or running. You know how much she likes to run. I have to tell her I'll take her to Dairy Queen if she goes for a walk, even if it's on the other side of town.
Kendall still has one more dose of chemo running in a take home bag until about midnight. They said she might start running a fever with this or even have chills or sweating. I will keep a close check on her every hour through the night just to be sure. I can get some sleep tomorrow while she is back at the hospital.
While in the hospital, I was not very patient. I did some reading to help pass the time. I know this verse is describing something other than what I am saying...but it had some meaning behind it that I had to apply to myself today.
Job 33
But if not, then listen to me.
Keep silent and I will teach you wisdom!
Kendall didn't sleep well last night. She said she couldn't get comfortable. She slept a little while we were at the hospital but I'm sure it wasn't very restful to her. Even though she has been sleeping a lot during the day, she still looks tired. I was able to get her down to the exercise room for a walk on the treadmill yesterday. The doctor said it would be good to get her strength built back up. We'll do it a little at a time until she is able to actually do some jogging or running. You know how much she likes to run. I have to tell her I'll take her to Dairy Queen if she goes for a walk, even if it's on the other side of town.
Kendall still has one more dose of chemo running in a take home bag until about midnight. They said she might start running a fever with this or even have chills or sweating. I will keep a close check on her every hour through the night just to be sure. I can get some sleep tomorrow while she is back at the hospital.
While in the hospital, I was not very patient. I did some reading to help pass the time. I know this verse is describing something other than what I am saying...but it had some meaning behind it that I had to apply to myself today.
Job 33
But if not, then listen to me.
Keep silent and I will teach you wisdom!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
What's A Good Example
I didn't expect that being out here with Kendall would be so hard without Tammy. I can handle just about anything that comes up with her. I am more familiar and comfortable with dealing with the issues that may arise during her treatment. I am prepared to get that right. However, I didn't realize that I would be so lonely.
Kendall slept really late today and only got up close to time to go to the doctor. When we got back to the apartment, she went back to sleep. I know she was tired. Maybe she is just catching up on all the sleep she didn't get while we were home. Her fever went up a little tonight, but nothing to really worry about. It went back down as quick as it went up. She hasn't ate much today and was a little sick tonight. But she was better in about an hour. Like nothing was ever wrong. She went back to sleep kind of early because we have to be back at the doctor at 8am. The schedule is going to be really busy this week.
So while Kendall was asleep, I tried to catch up on some reading. Watched a little tv. Then called Tammy to let her know that I was bored and had nobody to talk to. Of course she couldn't talk because she was at work. So I was quite most of the day today. Kendall told me that she would let me go walk around Walmart tomorrow if she was feeling better. That's ok...I'm good as long as she is feeling alright.
I had a hard time trying to find a verse today that fit. So I went with a good example.
Ephesians 5:1
Follow God's example in everything you do, because you are his dear children.
Sometimes following a good example is harder than it seems. It just takes practice and focus.
Kendall slept really late today and only got up close to time to go to the doctor. When we got back to the apartment, she went back to sleep. I know she was tired. Maybe she is just catching up on all the sleep she didn't get while we were home. Her fever went up a little tonight, but nothing to really worry about. It went back down as quick as it went up. She hasn't ate much today and was a little sick tonight. But she was better in about an hour. Like nothing was ever wrong. She went back to sleep kind of early because we have to be back at the doctor at 8am. The schedule is going to be really busy this week.
So while Kendall was asleep, I tried to catch up on some reading. Watched a little tv. Then called Tammy to let her know that I was bored and had nobody to talk to. Of course she couldn't talk because she was at work. So I was quite most of the day today. Kendall told me that she would let me go walk around Walmart tomorrow if she was feeling better. That's ok...I'm good as long as she is feeling alright.
I had a hard time trying to find a verse today that fit. So I went with a good example.
Ephesians 5:1
Follow God's example in everything you do, because you are his dear children.
Sometimes following a good example is harder than it seems. It just takes practice and focus.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
What Is My Reason
....as the sun shines through the window this morning, I slowly awake to the life of Houston. Realizing that I am no longer in Gardendale or that my wife is not with me. I am attempting to take care of Kendall during her journey by myself. We joked about me taking care of all of Kendall's needs but it was Tammy that kept everything together. I think she really sat back and watched me to make sure that I knew what I was doing. I'll admit..I didn't catch on until now. Tammy was really training me. Not that Kendall needs my help...she is so independent and could probably do this all by herself, showing no fear. I also think Kendall is letting me take care of her so I don't lose my mind.
We went to the doctor today and are expecting to start round three of chemotherapy treatment by Friday. The doctor confirmed that the masses in and around her spinal cord are "dramatically" shrinking. Dramatically was the word the doctor used, not mine. We will continue with the lumbar punctures (chemo in the spinal cord) weekly. Her blood has recovered as well, not as quick as it did the first couple of times, but it still recovered enough in less than a month. All the doctors were pleased that Kendall is having a speedy recovery. Kendall has still not had hardly any bad side effects thus far. The doctors were very pleased with this as well. It appears that we will be visiting the hospital every day this week and Friday is shaping up to be an all day affair. We are already mapping out our next trip home hopefully by the end of the month. I know everything can change still very quickly, but we are wanting to have something to work towards.
Kendall was very tired today and has slept most of the day. She took a long nap when we got home from the doctor. She will have plenty of time to rest to get ready for the next trip home. I'll make sure of it. We started the same routine as before...I ordered a pizza and we watched a movie tonight. I did miss seeing Dylan and Tammy for the movie though. Dylan called me about 10 times today to make sure I knew that he was taking care of the house and Tammy and the dogs. I just hope that he doesn't grow up to fast and don't need me anymore.
There have been alot of people that have expressed their love to Kendall and to us since the beginning of her journey. I want you all to know that your expressions have enlightened us when we were sad, kept us warm when we were cold and picked us up when we fall. And most of all...have shown Kendall how great love can be. People say that they don't see God but do believe in Him. I say that I see Him everyday. Everyday in the things that we do.... and in the things that we say.... and in the things that we show.......everyday. To me, that's God working and being visible to me...everyday.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
We went to the doctor today and are expecting to start round three of chemotherapy treatment by Friday. The doctor confirmed that the masses in and around her spinal cord are "dramatically" shrinking. Dramatically was the word the doctor used, not mine. We will continue with the lumbar punctures (chemo in the spinal cord) weekly. Her blood has recovered as well, not as quick as it did the first couple of times, but it still recovered enough in less than a month. All the doctors were pleased that Kendall is having a speedy recovery. Kendall has still not had hardly any bad side effects thus far. The doctors were very pleased with this as well. It appears that we will be visiting the hospital every day this week and Friday is shaping up to be an all day affair. We are already mapping out our next trip home hopefully by the end of the month. I know everything can change still very quickly, but we are wanting to have something to work towards.
Kendall was very tired today and has slept most of the day. She took a long nap when we got home from the doctor. She will have plenty of time to rest to get ready for the next trip home. I'll make sure of it. We started the same routine as before...I ordered a pizza and we watched a movie tonight. I did miss seeing Dylan and Tammy for the movie though. Dylan called me about 10 times today to make sure I knew that he was taking care of the house and Tammy and the dogs. I just hope that he doesn't grow up to fast and don't need me anymore.
There have been alot of people that have expressed their love to Kendall and to us since the beginning of her journey. I want you all to know that your expressions have enlightened us when we were sad, kept us warm when we were cold and picked us up when we fall. And most of all...have shown Kendall how great love can be. People say that they don't see God but do believe in Him. I say that I see Him everyday. Everyday in the things that we do.... and in the things that we say.... and in the things that we show.......everyday. To me, that's God working and being visible to me...everyday.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Back to Houston
What can I say? Refreshed! Renewed! Energized! That's how I feel after a few days at home. Kendall is much better now that we have completed a successful trip home. We flew into Birmingham on Wednesday afternoon and spend the next 5 nights soaking up as much as we could. The weekend was filled with many many visitors and we enjoyed all of you. Kendall enjoyed all of you.
Where to begin. Arriving home for the first time in almost two months was exciting. I forgot where everything was. Tammy's brother, Ronnie, picked us up at the airport. Our first stop was to Tammy's mother and daddy's house. They had fixed spaghetti for lunch and we all were hungry. This is where all the crying begins. The first of many crying sessions for the home reunion. We visited there for a while and then it was off to the house. Our neighbors had decorated the yard with balloons and signs and it was a very warm welcome home. We were met with screams, hugs and tears all the way around. It was amazing. Thank you! Kendall's friends and family members slowly made their way to the house to welcome her home. We couldn't wait to see all the kids. Our little family was having a reunion.
The first night we were able to sleep in our bed, I sort of felt like I was a stranger. I have been away so long it felt different. But it didn't take long to feel at home. Life seemed to pick up where it left off. I awoke the next morning to help Dylan get ready for school and to get ready myself to go to work. Had this all been an awful dream. Was someone playing a trick on us. I quickly realized that it was not a dream as I saw Kendall's folder on the dresser. I have a folder that keeps up with all of her medical records, doctors appointments and names to MD Anderson Hospital. I began to look through it to remind myself of what we have to do next.
The next couple of days seemed to go by really fast. I hope that's a good sign that we are going to fly through the next round of treatment.
We all went to church Sunday and no, Kendall did not wear her wig. She now says that hair gets in her way. Or that she doesn't look right with hair. The service and all the singing was so inspiring and helped all of us get a better grip on this journey. I felt so much better about my changes after listening to Pastor Kevin preach. He made me feel like I'm on the right path and to keep going.
So here we are, me and Kendall, in Houston. Tammy stayed at home this time to take care of things there. I'm going to be with Kendall through this next treatment and then we will see where we go from there. We met with the doctor tomorrow and will get Kendall's schedule for the next month. Hopefully we can start to come home at the end of her next treatments. Coming home every 2-3 weeks instead of every 2 months is a much better idea. We will continue to pray and do what's best for Kendall.
Being at home, I had a chance to catch up on our life that was suddenly interrupted. Things that I always say I'm going to do, or I'll do it tomorrow. Spend time with my family and friends. Telling them that I love them and I'll miss them when I'm gone. Apologizing for the things that I have done. And most important...taking time for God.
Proverbs 6:4
Don't put it off, Do it now! Don't rest until you do.
Where to begin. Arriving home for the first time in almost two months was exciting. I forgot where everything was. Tammy's brother, Ronnie, picked us up at the airport. Our first stop was to Tammy's mother and daddy's house. They had fixed spaghetti for lunch and we all were hungry. This is where all the crying begins. The first of many crying sessions for the home reunion. We visited there for a while and then it was off to the house. Our neighbors had decorated the yard with balloons and signs and it was a very warm welcome home. We were met with screams, hugs and tears all the way around. It was amazing. Thank you! Kendall's friends and family members slowly made their way to the house to welcome her home. We couldn't wait to see all the kids. Our little family was having a reunion.
The first night we were able to sleep in our bed, I sort of felt like I was a stranger. I have been away so long it felt different. But it didn't take long to feel at home. Life seemed to pick up where it left off. I awoke the next morning to help Dylan get ready for school and to get ready myself to go to work. Had this all been an awful dream. Was someone playing a trick on us. I quickly realized that it was not a dream as I saw Kendall's folder on the dresser. I have a folder that keeps up with all of her medical records, doctors appointments and names to MD Anderson Hospital. I began to look through it to remind myself of what we have to do next.
The next couple of days seemed to go by really fast. I hope that's a good sign that we are going to fly through the next round of treatment.
We all went to church Sunday and no, Kendall did not wear her wig. She now says that hair gets in her way. Or that she doesn't look right with hair. The service and all the singing was so inspiring and helped all of us get a better grip on this journey. I felt so much better about my changes after listening to Pastor Kevin preach. He made me feel like I'm on the right path and to keep going.
So here we are, me and Kendall, in Houston. Tammy stayed at home this time to take care of things there. I'm going to be with Kendall through this next treatment and then we will see where we go from there. We met with the doctor tomorrow and will get Kendall's schedule for the next month. Hopefully we can start to come home at the end of her next treatments. Coming home every 2-3 weeks instead of every 2 months is a much better idea. We will continue to pray and do what's best for Kendall.
Being at home, I had a chance to catch up on our life that was suddenly interrupted. Things that I always say I'm going to do, or I'll do it tomorrow. Spend time with my family and friends. Telling them that I love them and I'll miss them when I'm gone. Apologizing for the things that I have done. And most important...taking time for God.
Proverbs 6:4
Don't put it off, Do it now! Don't rest until you do.
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